Focus is the most precious asset

 Last month, I resigned and it has been almost a month since then. I had expected to find peace and rejuvenate at home, both physically and mentally, allowing myself a brief period of rest. However, in recent days, my mood has been extremely poor, my attention scattered. It seems that my depression is resurfacing. The suffering and restlessness entrap me like thick mud, often persisting for one or two days without escape. In current terms, it is mental self-depletion, constant rumination, and being trapped in remorse and entanglement with the past.

When I look back, I realize that this state began in middle school and high school. I frequently struggled to concentrate in class, as most of my energy and focus were consumed by internal conflicts: Why did the teacher show favoritism towards others? Why have my once-close friends become distant acquaintances? These questions caused immense anguish.

However, if I rewind further back to my elementary school years, my interest in mathematics came from the depths of my heart. The alignment between my interest and achievements was near perfection, and I relished in devoting myself to problem-solving. In other words, I experienced a state of flow, where my attention was concentrated on the present moment.

Although I managed to break free from the shackles and pressures of exam-oriented education after graduating from university and entering the workforce, various troubles awaited me. Similarly, if I recall the first few years after graduation, my salary was low, and buying a house seemed like a distant dream. However, those years were relatively carefree.

Do the expectations set by others truly suit you? Every word and action of those around us, even a single glance, is akin to a mirror reflecting back at us. Unfortunately, what is often reflected back is mostly rubbish. I need to awaken my inner self, to understand what I truly desire. Nowadays, society burdens individuals with numerous external influences, such as various grand sales and promotions. The first question to ask oneself is, do I truly need it? Furthermore, the children's book "Franklin's Whistle," which I encountered in primary school, also speaks to this concept.

Understanding oneself is an agonizing process, much like the movie "Inception," where one layer of dreams is nested within another. Dreams are rule-bound worlds where we pursue the objectives laid out within. However, when one day we awaken from these dreams, we realize they were merely "traps" and no longer hold the same significance they once did.

Therefore, the process of self-discovery involves breaking free from these dreams, severing the bonds that tie us to those worlds. Indeed, my troubles and inner conflicts are all entangling ties. These ties drain the negative energy of our attention—a post on social media, a newsfeed notification, or a message in a group chat—along with the accompanying feelings of imbalance. This year, I had a realization that attention or focus is a person's most valuable asset, surpassing both time and money. Individuals who master this ability early on are extraordinarily precious, regardless of how society measures success. Of course, in the eyes of society, they may perceive this mastery as the result of diligence, perseverance, and determination